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Funeral Service by Rabbi Axelman for Alana
We are here today to honor the life and memory of Alana Berenson, of
הנינפףסוי ןימינב תב לאיראPer our Jewish tradition, we will honor Alana, first with the
recitation of prayers and psalms,
then with eulogies delivered by those who knew her best and we will conclude
this part of the service
with a special prayer for her to rest in peace, her soul close to God.
We believe that her soul is here with us today. Out of respect
for this and per Jewish law,
please refrain from any conversation not related to Alana in someway.
We will recite the prayers both in English and Hebrew, as
although many do not understand the words
when we say them in Hebrew, it is our belief that the words themselves are
holy and have effects in the world
both for us and Alana, beyond their literal meaning.
From speaking with those who knew Alana and from my own brief
acquaintance with her,
I have learned that she was special and unique in many ways.
Alana was a young woman whose life was full of enthusiasm for
religion, at times in her life being very involved in Judaism,
but at all times driven to pursue spirituality and meaning in her life. Alana
had a strong thirst for knowledge, both
secular and spiritual with interests encompassing literally everything from a-z.
Alana, in her short stay with us, traveled the world not only in
an intellectual way but physically as well.
We have an expression
In this vein, Alana is remembered as compassionate and gentle,
sensitive,
and in the one of the most beautiful senses that I can ever speak of a person,
someone who never
had a bad word to say about anyone. Alana had the trait of perseverance, someone
who did not give up,
someone who did not quit when times were tough for her.
God told us in Genesis that the days of man on this earth will
be 120 years.Many, if not most of us,
need a long life on this earth to accomplish our tasks, to fulfill our
purpose,
to touch and enhance the lives of others, in many and varied places.
Apparently Alana was the rare soul who could accomplish all this in 19 years.
Looking at this vast assemblage it is obvious how many lives this young
woman touched.
It is obvious from the outpouring of love what a positive person she was to all
those who came into contact with her.
As Jews, in our times of sorrow, we turn to our Torah, the holy bible, for comfort and wisdom.
וניקלא 'הל תורתסנה.However i would like to offer a few brief thoughts:...In four
weeks we will stand before God on Rosh Hashono
and Yom Kippur and recite:
Many of us cry every year when saying these words. I am sure
that this year many more of us will cry,
realizing, with incredible sadness, the reality of these words when they strike
so close to us as a community.
How do we make sense of this?Two thoughts stuck out in my mind:On Yom Kippur we will read:
God spoke to Moshe after the death of two young people, who came
close to God and died.
Moshe is the leader of the Jews and all leadership throughout the generations
stems from him.
There are many ready parallels between this story and what we speak of today.
Alana's father, Bruce, is the leader of our temple, who has dedicated so much of
his energy and
resources to the dedication and if I may, the re-dedication of our temple.
Like Moshe and his family, tragedy struck during this endeavor. The Torah tells
us why.
The two young people who died on that day were unusually close to God, and of
their own initiative strived
to come even closer. God took them away, took them even closer. There is a time,
a place,
a space at which the soul comes so close to God, that they need to leave this
earth and be called back to their creator.
Why this particular woman, this particular individual. Why
Alana? Maybe we can find some comfort
and wisdom in another place in the Torah. Much of Alana's life was tied to
water, was it not?
Her Jewish name, Penina, the Hebrew word for pearl, develops in the water.
Upon doing some quick research into pearls, I found the following: The Romans
used the Greek word margarita,
describing something of unique value, a cherished possession or a favorite
child.
Her career and education were tied to the water. At the time of
her passing,Alana was a student at the Maritime college,
and had just recently returned from the sea. Tragically, her death was tied to
water as well, the result of an unusual,
even freakish storm. So we turn to the first such storm in the Bible, the story
of Noah and the flood.
We are told that Noah tested the condition of the earth after the flood by
sending a dove outside the ark.
The Torah tells us
We know from our Torah and our tradition that water restores
purity, that immersion in a mikva restores purity
to someone who lost their spiritual purity. Immersion makes them spiritually
whole once again.
Is it not fitting that this pure soul of Alana, that her life and passing was so
intimately tied to water? Did she not
return to her creator in the most pure state possible?
At this time family members and friends of Alana will say a few words........
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Eulogy Poem from Analeise Marshall
The streets we walked down, all empty and void of
cars
The pictures of you smiling, all hollowed out
You said no tears, none you couldn't wipe a way
I sit at the places you always took me
A Cup of coffee black like we always had
A little more bitter, harder to swallow.
I walk past our room, praying you were inside
All the nights we spent talking about the future
A future that we must carry on with our ambitions to fulfill
Our walk through Europe, stopping in Rome for you
You say no more tears, but please understand
These tears, running down our faces, pooling on the floor
This room full of tears, tears full of love
Are all for you both
And though there is sadness mixed in
There is happiness for the lives that you led
The joy that you will spend the rest of eternity with the loves that you have
found
They say your lives were just beginning
I disagree
You did so much more with the short time that we had you
Then most could dream of in 60 years
So fly off into the stars, but come back to visit
Our last cup will always be waiting
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Eulogy from Jon Lieblein at Joe's funeral
Joe was one of those guys you never really noticed. He
wasn’t the best student (I always kidded him about the three tries it took for
statistics), the best athlete, the best sailor, or the most locked up guy in the
regiment. Not outspoken, nor a flashy dresser, just kinda there. Everyone who
knew him liked the guy we all called Joe C. But for those of us who really knew
him, he really was one of the best where it really counted. One of the best
friends I have ever had, always willing to help out, give advice, or do anything
else you asked if he could. Those times he came over my house, he was always
asking what kind of help he could give, helping me figure out what was wrong
with my car. Up at school, pushing me to study many a late night. One of those,
in particular, sticks out. We had a project due the following morning, and by 2
AM, even black coffee wasn’t enough to keep me going. So Joe brewed a pot, put
it back in the machine with fresh grounds and brewed it again. God-awful stuff,
but it did the trick. I know that without his help and that brew of his, I would
have given up, and not ended up with the A I got in that class. And when it
wasn’t time to study, I remember the Friday afternoon beer runs, the late night
Maritime specials from frank’s pizza, and the trips to K-mart, just because we
were bored. The times where he literally gave me the shirt off his back because
my uniform was too dirty to wear. The year we roomed together, we probably
borrowed 500 dollars from each other, half a pizza at a time. And he never let
me get stressed out, no matter how bad things were going. After 9/11 he listened
to me talk for god only knows how many hours, just listening, letting me talk
out my stress and emotion. If you look at his favorite hat, the blue school
issue one with the patch of Patrick the starfish sewn on the back, you’ll notice
two words around the state seal, loyalty and valor. By the actions that brought
us together today, Joe certainly demonstrated those characteristics and made me
proud to call him one of my best friends
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Mom's speech for Alana
all mothers love their children.
all children love their mothers...
a mother will tell you that her daughter is her best friend... but Alana was more than my best friend- anyone who knows us -knows she was what we jokingly called "my appendage". My emotional Siamese twin. Although the cord was cut when Alana was born, she was unwilling to let it go. She was with me, always. - her spirit and love filled, and at times, overwhelmed me. She was a beautiful, kind , generous youth who was just discovering herself. She loved so many things, but She didn't just love them- she would devour them. becoming totally involved in whatever caught her attention. And there were many things. She was an insatiable reader from a very early age. She never met a book she couldn't read twice. maybe three times. She always had a book with her- her constant companion. She loved nature, plants, animals and the Sea. She wanted to travel, that was her immediate attraction to Maritime College. and travel she did, visiting many places in a short time. Switzerland, Italy, Spain, Estonia, New Zealand, Australia, the Bahamas. There were few things that didn't interest her... . examples- pirates, belly-dancing, history, spirituality, sushi, Gregorian chant, anime, care bears, travel, so many . and Joe Cheetham. Joe and Alana balanced each other well. He was a quiet and gentle man and they were happy together. . now they will always be together. . she had a joyous spirit who kindness and love could fill a room, and my heart feels so much emptier without her. I miss her more than words can express. She was a part of me and although life will never be the same, our family is strong and loving. Her father Bruce and I, her siblings Jenna , Kayla and Max her many friends and extended family members will all keep her alive in our memories. when the pain subsides, our memories of her love will always be there to refresh us. We will love her always.
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Kayla's speech for Alana
For someone who normally has words come so easily to her, I find myself unable to find words to express how I feel. Some people would choose to speak of their hurt, others choose to focus on the person themselves: on their achievements, dreams and aspirations, or the qualities that made them a wonderful person. However, I feel that talking about these things would never do justice to describe the pain and anguish that I’ve been feeling these passed few days. I’m quite sure you all know what an amazing person my oldest sister was, or else I don’t think you would be here mourning with the other hundreds of people here today, so that’s not what I’m going to talk about.
Yesterday I was sitting down with some of my friends, when one of them ate a chocolate with a little saying inside. They said jokingly that that I should incorporate it into what I was going to say today, not realizing exactly what the saying was. On a little piece of crinkled paper wrote “Savor every happy moment.” Life often goes by to quickly for us to notice and take in what’s going on around us. It’s often these precious moments that we let slip by that should the most treasured. The moments I’ve shared with my sister were at the time nothing special, but looking back on it there was no one who influenced my life more then she did, was no one who taught me more about the importance of being myself. She was one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.
Joe will also always be with me in my heart, right next to my sister, he was just a part of my family as anyone else.
I will always have what Alana has shown me to carry on with me for the rest of my life. I thank G-d with every ounce of faith that I have that I had the privilege of being her little sister. Joe and Alana, rest in peace. You're both forever in my hearts...you were the epitome of true love, and I just hope I can live my life as fully as you would have wanted me to.
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Jenna's speech for Alana
Yesterday a good friend said to me, “When people die, it’s because G-d needs them for something, and maybe G-d needed two good people by his side.” Alana and Joe were more than good people. Alana was a brilliant mind; she was beautiful, kind, utterly warm and considerate at all costs. These words, however, cannot describe the profound depths of each of their individual spirits. They cannot describe Alana’s presence, the effect she had those around her.
I overheard my Rabbi saying that people stay on in this world until they complete the task that they were given before birth. Alana and Joe’s task was to touch our lives and change them for the better. Look around; see how many people two kindhearted, loving young people affected. Look how we share this kindness and love by coming together today. I’m not surprised by how many people felt changed by Alana and Joe. I always wanted to be and be like my big sister, Alana. Anything she took interest in I automatically wanted to be interested in also. She was a role model to me and I always asked her for advice and her words just blew me away. She was one of the most brilliant people I knew… that trait she inherited from my mother. Her advice was profound and wise. I would like to shed light upon the thought that I was inspired by the kindness and gentleness of Joe, who was the nicest guy you’d ever want to meet. He was absolutely amazing- smart, handsome, generous, and easygoing. I'll miss Joe, my big brother. I love you both, be at peace together.
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Dad's speech for Alana
This has been a hard time. You'd think that something so terribly hard would've had a "for dummies" book written about it. Well the plain fact is there is no manual to deal with losing a child. And I think I understand why. Because everyone in the family deals with it in a different way - a way that only works for them. But I can tell you there is one essential thing that must be available to everyone equally.
More about that later.
First I want to say a few things about my daughter Alana. She was not someone who came naturally to the spotlight. but when she went to PS 209 she surprised everyone by entering a contest for storytelling interpretation, and won the right to represent the school in the citywide competitions. She was petrified of being up on that big stage - but when the time came she stuck out her chin climbed up and did her best. She did not win but for the first time we looked at her with respect and thought "this is one gutsy kid". She never did take the easy way out. Whether it be entering the agriculture program at John Bowne High School, where you were required to spend hot summer days working on the schools 4 acre farm - or turning the family on its head by announcing she wanted to attend SUNY Maritime College. There was no room in the school philosophy for the nurturing of growing things (always one of her passions) - and the first year was deliberately designed to forge a sense of honor and self-reliance with the always potential danger of breaking a cadet’s spirit. Though she talked of quitting many times - and it would have been easy to walk away - there were friends and family urging her to do so. She once again stuck out her chin and by the end other second year she had conquered her personal demons through a love of the sea and her boyfriend and soul mate Joe Cheetham. They had met at school and although he had graduated - I'm certain they were mapping out a plan to remain together. I am grateful that in the time he stayed with us - studying hard for his licensing exams - I got to know him as a kind, warm and caring man with an easy laugh who loved my daughter unconditionally. For that he lives alongside her in my heart.
With that I want to tell you the secret for coming though a time more terrible than any family should have to bear. We each do what we have to do to keep going from moment to moment - I've seen with my own eyes the very different ways we've found. But to do this we need to draw strength from a common well of the love we have for each other. When one of us falls down - the others pick him or her up. And that is how we survive.
I want to thank my own family for giving me the strength to stand here in front of you - there could be no better mother/partner/lover than my wife Lee - I could not bear this loss without you beside me. My darling children Jenna, Kayla and Max are beyond praise and the reason for my determination to keep going.
I always considered myself a man of faith . But for so long as I was (and still am) an executive of the Whitestone Hebrew Centre every so often I'd think while speaking at the end of Shabbat services "who am I to tell anyone to have faith" with 4 wonderful children, a job I love and seemingly marked for all the good things in life. God forbid anyone should have their faith put to the test by trials tribulations or unthinkably, a parents worst nightmare. And now here I stand in front of you with an aching heart and believing my wonderful brave beautiful sweet Alana has her portion in God's love. She will always be the little girl I would hug and say "I love you" to at night tucking her in. I can't hug you anymore my darling -
but I will love you and hold you in my heart for all time.
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Max (age 9)'s speech for Alana
She was a good sister. she loved us all.
I think we'll miss her.
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Anonymous Aug 14,2004
I'm sure that everyone in this room as well as those outside are asking the same
question, Why? If we can send a missile to Mars , why couldn't we have stopped
this from happening . But the answer was not in the "Book of Why"
A few years ago, Rabbi Kushner wrote a book called "When Bad things happen to
Good People". We do not know
the answer to that question. We only know the people to whom these happen.
I did not know Joseph Cheetham who was with Alana
Berenson. I only saw him once. A tall beautiful man
who had much to live for.
I did know Alana Berenson who was always in a hurry. I
saw her running down the hall at our Hebrew School.
I asked her "Where are you going? "She answered, "I'm going to my Bat
Mitzvah class" so I asked "How are you doing?" "It's hard" was her answer. No
ifs, ands or buts.
I went to hear her Bat Mitzvah and she was excellent.
When she finished her Haftorah, she looked at her parents and the sun shone in
the room. Then she looked at the rest of us with a look that told the world "I
made it:". She was sure.
A few years later, she came to services with hair the
color of orange, purple, red. She saw me and gave me a what we call today an "in
your face look". So I said into her, "I'm thinking of bleaching my hair" to
which she answered- "This color wont work for you". She was sure.
I saw her only three weeks ago at the Family Shabbat
Service and she spoke to me, She told me she had finished her second year at
college and that she was going to take Math and Physics in the summer. I told
her that would be hard and she answered "I'll make it". She was sure.
We will never know why this really happened but
besmirching the memory of a person with questions and guilt is not the answer.
Rather remember the day the sun shone in what will be her gift to all those who
loved her. May her name be a blessing.
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